I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
