it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
