And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
