just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
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