Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I intend to get homeless drunk
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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