i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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