I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Yo dont text me then not text me
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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