Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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