It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
