Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
