My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
