Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
