We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize