shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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