just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize