he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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