dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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