It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
