please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
