and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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