somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
