This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
