Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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