I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
