just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
