I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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