i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Randomize
