i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
