if you like me you must not know who I am
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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