Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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