so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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