are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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