cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Found your dick twin last night
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
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