i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
