"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
