If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
