That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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