You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
And then he peed in my hair
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