I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
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