Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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