I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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