he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
