Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
