did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
