Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
