he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
