i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
She told me I should be a condom model.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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