drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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