Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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