Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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