I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
