Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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