I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
