then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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