I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize