i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
handjob tips. give me some.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
