please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
