I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
