So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Randomize
