They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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