I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Randomize
