They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize